life after divorce

By Maxine Browne

Life after divorce: I will never forget the great void created when my daughter would go for weekend visitation with her father. I could do anything. How do you do that?

I had been Mommy for about 25 years. It had been forever since I was not responsible for children. For the first time in years, I was not “his wife” or “her mom.” I was just me. Who was Maxine? I didn’t know her anymore. How could I create a new life for myself after divorce?

First, I spent several months simply watching television and renting movies. That was my life after divorce. But after a while, I decided I wanted more out of life than sitting around the house, waiting for someone to come back home so I could take care of them. I wanted a life with activities and friends in it. Oh, a social life! I remember now. Yes! I want a social life!

But after my 10-year abusive marriage, I didn’t have any friends left in my life. How do you make friends after 40? (Or if I am going to tell the truth, after 50.) How could I create a fun life after divorce?

Well…Remember back when you were 10 there would be a group of children playing a game at the playground. You would run over to them and ask if you could join them. They would reply, “Sure!” And you would begin to interact with a new group of children your age. From there, you would begin new friendships and find new children to play with.

“Hold on, Maxine,” you say. “We aren’t on the playground anymore. Everyone is busy and already has friends. How do I do this today?”

Let me show you how to make new friends after age 10. Let me show you how to create a fun, new life after divorce.

Find out what is going on this month:

Look in your local newspaper or event calendar to find out what is going on in your area. Is there a community event? Is there a movie you would enjoy? Maybe a speaker, concert or wine tasting will be in your area. Check out your local community college adult education catalogue. Perhaps they are offering a class on how to make sushi or create jewelry. Choose an idea or two that sound like fun to you. Wow! So you mean there IS life after divorce?!

Here’s the fun part. Invite someone to accompany you to the event

Do you know someone who might enjoy the same event that sounded like fun to you? Invite them to go with you to the event. Now this is not a date. Everyone has to pay their own way. You are going to use the event to create interesting conversation. This is the adult version of the game of kickball. This is you creating a social life for yourself after your divorce.

And…During your outing, which could include a lunch, you will have time to get to know this person. You will surely find things you have in common, which may lead to a future “play date.”

If you don’t know anyone at all, taking an adult education class may be a good place to start. You could also volunteer your time at a charitable event where you will meet other volunteers. From these new contacts, invite someone out for coffee. Take it from there.

Get a new life after divorce: Take action today

Buy the newspaper. Pick an activity. Invite someone. Before you know it, your social calendar will be filled with fun things to do with great people. If I could do it, so can you!

About the author: Maxine Browne is NOT a sociologist, counselor or psychiatrist. She is a woman with 35 years of personal experience in abusive relationships. Maxine is a motivational speaker whose goal is to increase awareness of domestic violence and to help people experience happier, more respectful relationships. Visit Maxine’s website and contact her to speak at your next event at http://dv-recovery.com.

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